Judge Not

            I have fond memories of my time in primary. The teacher I most remember was Brother Maddox. He was an elderly man with no small children. I remember that he drove an old sedan with bucket seats and not a fancy or family-oriented car.

            Maybe the most memorable thing about him is that he was missing an eye. In its place he had a glass eye. And yes, sometimes he would take it out to show it to us if the boys in the class begged him enough. (The girls, of course, thought it was gross.)

            To say he was an unconventional primary teacher is an understatement. I can only imagine the conversations that the bishopric had when they were deciding to call him into primary. Having been in many of those conversations myself, I have no doubt that his call was inspired because nothing about him suggested that he would be a successful primary teacher.

            But he was.

            I had many teachers in the primary. Frankly, the only one I remember is Brother Maddox. I don’t remember much about what he taught us other than the articles of faith. However, I remember that he loved us and served us.

            In those days, we had primary activities on Wednesdays. For families like mine whose parents both worked, he picked us up in that old sedan and made sure that we attended the activity. He always had a lesson ready for us on Sunday and told us stories about his life.

            We loved him.

            How thankful I am for an inspired bishopric who did not judge brother Maddox for what they could see on the outside: and old man with an old car and a glass eye. They looked beneath that exterior and saw a disciple of Christ who would serve primary children with his whole soul.

            Today, I will talk to you about righteous judgment and the Savior’s teaching to judge not. All serious disciples of Jesus Christ should strive to keep this most important command.

Love One Another

            The Savior taught us during His mortal ministry, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”[1]

            When we love others as Jesus loves, we see them as He sees them, not as we see them. Sister Michelle Craig, a former member of the general Young Women presidency taught,

Understanding how God sees us prepares the way to help us see others as He does. . . . Jesus Christ sees people deeply. He sees individuals, their needs, and who they can become. Where others saw fishermen, sinners, or publicans, Jesus saw disciples; where others saw a man possessed by devils, Jesus looked past the outward distress, acknowledged the man, and healed him. Even in our busy lives, we can follow the example of Jesus and see individuals—their needs, their faith, their struggle, and who they can become.[2]

            All people have imperfections, limitations, and challenges. However, when we truly love them as Jesus commanded, we can have patience and compassion with their shortcomings. More importantly, we can discern their potential, which can change how we treat them.

            Our actions may also help them see something that they don’t yet see themselves. And with our belief, they may act differently and rise to the vision we’ve given to them.

            I am sure that is what happened with Brother Maddox. Someone loved and believed in him, and he, in turn, loved us and believed in us.

            Love lifts. It lifts us, and it elevates others.

            Of course, others can make mistakes with the opportunities we give them. But their experience will be for their good and Lord’s glory if we help them move forward anyway. The prophet Joseph Smith taught,

We must be merciful to one another and overlook small things. . . . Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind. . . . God does not look on sin with allowance, but when men [and women] have sinned, there must be allowance made for them.[3]

What a lovely statement of love!

Avoid Unrighteous Judgement

            Jesus taught, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”[4] Being non-judgmental does not mean never coming to a conclusion about another person. It means making intermediate and not final judgements.

            We commit unrighteous judgement when we make final decisions about people and stop believing in the possibility of change and progress. With righteous judgment, we clearly see the person’s “now,” but we also believe in the possibility of their “next.”

            Of course, we should never put ourselves into a position of harm with someone who truly seeks to hurt or damage us, physically or emotionally. In fact, in those instances, distance may be the greatest way to love that person. Hopefully, these instances are rare and can be met with the proper repair and healing when true harm is done.

            The Lord has asked us, “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay.”[5] Let’s allow Him to do His work in these most serious circumstances as we protect ourselves and heal.

            However, in most cases, our primary action should be to “speak the truth in love”[6] and be “kind to one another [and] tenderhearted”[7] as talk and interact with others. We can do much good as we take this approach.

            In a Church publication article entitled “You Love, He Saves,” author Krista Rogers Mortensen shared her experience with her adult children who had stopped participating in the Church that taught her the proper way to love.

For a long time, I pleaded with the Lord to change their hearts, and finally the Lord answered my prayers. But not in the way I expected.

Instead of simply changing my children’s hearts, He showed me that I needed to start by changing my own heart . . . He reminded me that my role isn’t to judge or save them but to love them. Jesus Christ is their Savior and Judge . . .

As I turned to the Savior for healing, my heart began to soften toward my children . . . It didn’t mean giving up on trying to help them, but when loving them [instead of changing them] became the driving force behind my interactions with them, it changed how I interacted . . .

I listened more and talked less. I asked questions about their lives and their interests. Instead of judgment, I showed curiosity. I replaced criticism and disappointment with expressions of love, and my children could feel that it was genuine.[8]

On a later podcast, she related this tender story about one of her daughters who had left the Church.

[My daughter, Samantha, has a roommate named Megan.] Her mother passed away. I was at the viewing, and there was Samantha standing there, talking to a woman who . . . looked like she would have been one of my friends . . .

I was so curious, how does she know Samantha, [I thought]?

They’e talking, and they're laughing. [By their actions,] you knew that they knew each other well, and that they had a relationship . . . I was just so curious.

So, I’m watching this woman talking to my daughter, [noticing] my daughter had blue hair, and a nose ring, and heavy eyeliner [and] was wearing a very short skirt.

[My daughter] just didn’t look like the kind of person [that] a woman who looks like a middle-aged Mormon mom would be hanging out with.

I was so curious as to how they knew each other.

After this woman left, I said, “Sam, who was that woman talking to you?”

And she said, “Oh, that's Megan's visiting teacher.”

It just made me so happy inside that this woman took the time to get to know these two . . .

I just felt like, this is real ministering.

Just love.

[Love by] not having preconceived notions about people.

I know often, in our wards, we . . . get assigned to minister to someone who doesn’t come to church, and you somehow think . . . they won’t let you approach.

Everyone needs love. Everyone needs friends, and we just can't be that way.

We just need to accept people. How they are, where they are, and love them. [9]

This ministering sister resisted judgement and reached out in kindness and love despite their differences. She acted like the Savior, who sat with “the least of these,”[10] which included people who were shunned from society for how they looked, what they had done, or what job they had.

He loved others, and so should we.

Ministering Is Love

            As we take the time to be curious and not judgmental, we will develop charity, the defining characteristic of Jesus Christ. Charity is “the greatest of all, for all [other] things must fail.”[11] With that godly trait, we will become like Him and be qualified to enter His presence and assist in His work of salvation for eternity.

            I commend to you Moroni’s invitation: “Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.”[12]

            Jesus Christ has a pure love for you and for me despite our imperfections. He judges with righteous judgment. I have felt His kindness and patience with me in my life. I can only hope to do the same with others as I interact with them on their life’s path.

            Jesus can heal broken hearts and challenging relationships through His infinite atonement. He can forgive all those who repent. We can also forgive. May we not judge as we minister to others as they progress on their path of discipleship, so they can see Jesus through us and desire to repent and come unto Him.

Jesus’ grace is sufficient for me, for you, and for all God’s children. May we help them find His grace and experience His love through us.

[1] John 13:34-35

[2] Michelle D. Craig, “Eyes to See,” Conference Report, October 2020.

[3] Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 240–241.

[4] Matthew 7:1.

[5] Doctrine and Covenants 82:23.

[6] Ephesians 4:15.

[7] Ephesians 4:32.

[8] Krista Rogers Mortensen, “You Love, He Saves,” Ensign, July 2020.

[9] Richard Ostler, host, “Krista Mortensen and Kyra Dunshee (Sisters): When Your Child Leaves the Church,” Listen, Learn, and Love with Richard Ostler, episode 293, podcast, July 23, 2020, 55:15–57:48, text added, https://soundcloud.com/user-818501778/episode-293-krista-mortensen-and-kyra-dunshee-sisters-when-your-child-leaves-the-church.

[10] Matthew 25:45.

[11] Moroni 7:46, text added.

[12] Moroni 7:48, text added.